How To Believe in Yourself
It happens when you decide it happens! - LS
LaToya Sevier LCPC
Normalizing the Unknown
In my practice of holding space for people I often have the pleasure of understanding that the core of most issues can be related to worthiness or the concept of self-worth. I operate a practice dedicated to trauma informed spaces. This is just a fancy way of saying that I care about all of the terrible things that you went through, I also understand that those terrible things have had an impact on how you see yourself which also contribute to how you see the world! Often times when a person has been through consistent unstable situations or consistent life adjustments they become accustomed to surviving. Surviving is exhausting both mentally and physically. Surviving means that you are spending most of your time in fight, flight, freeze or fawn. Meaning that you are not in charge and lack the ability to be intentional and experience the fullness of life and its moments. I say all of this to say that many things happen that you don’t have control over and that kind of pushes you into a place of being so disconnected from yourself that you hardly know how to believe in yourself. In this blog I will discuss 4 ways to get you started in the practice of believing in yourself.
1. Words Matter
When I think about all of the times I have spent sharing spaces with others I think about the moments that we spend with making things make sense and understanding the words and the relationship we have to the words that we utilize. Of course, language is not only words but it’s also emotions, feelings and actions that follow. This step involves paying attention to your language by using the words that you speak and think and examine how they connect to some of the things you do. Here in this space of exploring you will invite yourself to slow things down and learn about how you communicate and how it impacts what you do or do not do. In this space you can learn how to slow down to pay attention to how things connect which leads us to the next tip!
2.Using Healthier Words!
After you have decided that words matter it is imperative that you challenge your vocabulary especially when you are speaking about or to yourself. There are various ways to do this but most of them involve purposely considering yourself. Treating yourself gently and affirming and validating yourself no matter what. Yes!- Even when you make small mistakes in which you believe you knew better, it is still very possible to consider that it was a mistake and really dope people make mistakes. Consider the fact that a mistake is something that helps with the process by challenging the notion that mistakes are bad or any other negative perception related to fearful avoidance of making a mistake. Imagine that mistakes are opportunities to broaden your horizon and create new meanings for mistakes!
3.Practice Makes Progress
Mistakes are the inevitable piece of this guide. When we try something new the one thing that we can be sure about is the fact that we will make mistakes. Mistakes often communicate inadequacy or other negative messages that fit in to the not good enough group but in the process of believing in yourself you must invite yourself to become comfortable with making mistakes. There is no real way to learn than by learning through trial and error. While making mistakes give yourself permission to have grace. Grace that insists that you can give yourself a pass in hopes that next time you will do better.
4. Support, Support, Support!
This last tip is a tip that leans into being vulnerable enough to receive support. Sometimes we are so close to ourselves and we know ourselves so well that we forget that we have committed to change. Having a healthy support system to affirm you and to also hold you accountable in ways that you cannot show up for yourself. Maybe you forgot that you were using positive affirming language and you are having some negative feelings about something that you have done; your identified support system is someone who can remind you to have grace and challenge you to use healthier language creating space for you to learn from your mistake! Support systems can be hard to come by but if you start with someone you trust or someone that you spend a good amount of time with that could be your answer.
These are some tips that can support you in the journey of believing yourself. This is not a full proof method that guarantees you to believe in yourself it is only tips that can help guide you in a healthier direction. As with any guide it is important to understand your unique circumstances and situations that make you who you are! As a professional I invite you to take a moment and honor your circumstances. If you need support and guidance I strongly recommend booking an appointment with Actually ME Therapy and Consultation, we have space for you!